


(Too Late to) Fight for It

by Sandylee007



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Magnus Bane, Difficult Decisions, Drama, Episode: s01e12 Malec, Heartbreak, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26549680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandylee007/pseuds/Sandylee007
Summary: 1x12 ALTERED WEDDING SCENEWhat if Magnus came too late to stop Alec’s wedding with Lydia? He enters the Institute to learn that the wedding is already over. His heart, which was only just starting to open again, breaks.What Magnus doesn’t know is that Alec is fighting a brave battle with all the expectations piled on his shoulders and heart. He chooses to fight for his own happiness. Is it too late?
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 67
Kudos: 133





	1. Is it Too Late...

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had a scene(s) a little like this one in one of my stories... ages ago. But recently this altered possibility came to my mind and... Well. You know me. I can’t resist when there’s even the slightest chance for something angsty. (chuckles) I’m horrible on these poor babies!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Nope. I own nothing but my own over-active imagination. No profit is made out of typing this.
> 
> Awkay, then. Are you ready? Because here we go. I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.

‘ _You must do everything in your power to fight for it._ ’

Magnus stared at his own reflection in a mirror and drew in a deep breath. He’d dressed to impress. His hair was done to perfection and his makeup was a flawless warpaint. He was ready. Or hoped he was, anyway.

He was about to barge into a Shadowhunter wedding. To the wedding of the oldest son of Robert and Maryse Lightwood. Which was held inside a building where most of its many inhabitants despised or at least looked down on those like him. Was this the stupidest, most romantic and most dramatic thing he’d ever done in his long life? Certainly a strong contender.

Magnus lifted his chin. Attempted to appear more confident and less vulnerable than he felt. “Into battle”, he murmured to himself. This was Magnus Bane’s last stand in the name of true love.

The suspicion and contempt he was regarded with upon arrival didn’t come as a surprise. The Shadowhunter who allowed him in seemed to come close to spitting at the wedding invitation he shoved to the young man’s hands. Magnus shrugged off the negative attention with hundreds of years’ experience. He was a man on a mission and focused on his target.

Unfortunately Magnus never made it to the massive room where the wedding took place. He was about ten steps away when a Clave official marched out and upon noticing him closed the door demonstratively in front of his nose. “If you came to intrude on the party, warlock, you’re late. The wedding’s over.”

Magnus froze, inside and out. He was in no state to care if the official saw his vulnerable moment. (The man didn’t stick around long enough to see his reaction, anyway.) Magnus stood there, trying to comprehend what he just heard.

He was too late. It was over. Alec went through with it. What he had to offer wasn’t worth the risk.

It was too much to bear, especially when he was also grieving losing his oldest friend. Magnus’ heart, the one he recently offered Alec after closing it for a century, ached and broke in his chest. Somehow it was worse than ever before because he knew that he’d never be strong enough to open it again. Camille was right, true love was not meant for immortals. And his inability to withstand loneliness was one of his greatest weak spots. Yet a life of loneliness was obviously his destiny. Sooner or later everyone left, one way or another. Why did he ever imagine that he’d be able to escape his fate?

He told himself that he’d never open his heart again when it getting broken almost destroyed him a century ago. And he told Alec that he wouldn’t ask again. It was time he learned to keep the promises he made to himself.

Magnus walked away with as much dignity as someone whose heart was in pieces could, with no idea where he was going and what to do.

He had nothing to stay for.

/

Magnus came too late. Or left too early. Or both.

Because there was something that didn’t ever cross his mind. That the wedding was over didn’t mean that a marriage had been sealed. Magnus had no idea what took place before he arrived.

Alec stared at Lydia walking towards him in a beautiful dress and with every step she took he became more aware that he didn’t feel like one was supposed to on their wedding day. Nor did she. There was no love in her eyes or in his heart, which was hurting more with each passing second. He looked at her and Magnus’ words echoed in his suddenly throbbing skull.

/ _“Neither of you deserve it. And I don’t either.”_ /

Lydia took his hand to draw the rune that’d seal both their fates and it shot the wrong kind of a jolt through him. All the weight of expectations piled on Alec’s shoulders... It crushed his chest, made it nearly impossible to breathe. All the voices in his head were speaking, or perhaps rather screaming, at the same time.

His father drilling in that he’d never be good enough... His mother growling at him what was expected of him, as well telling him how proud she was of him just now... Magnus telling him that he had a choice to make... In the middle of that cacophony he was, perhaps for the first time in his life, starting to hear a new voice. His own. It was quiet as a whisper in the middle of the louder ones but one thing it tried to say was clear. Slipped past his lips before he realized that he was uttering anything out loud. “I can’t do this.”

Lydia appeared disappointed, of course. But also understanding. She smiled, touched his cheek and nodded. “Go. You deserve to be happy.”

Wasn’t that exactly what Magnus tried to tell him? His own, callous words to the warlock came back to haunt him and filled him with shame. Magnus announced that he wouldn’t ask again. But perhaps he was still willing to give Alec a chance.

Alec turned to leave. And froze when his eyes met his mother’s blazing, disappointed ones. His stomach clenched and some of the weight that’d just started to leave his chest area returned. Magnus thought he deserved to be happy. So did Lydia. Would his parents agree?

When Magnus came to the Institute Alec was in the middle of a bitter fight with his parents, with Izzy and Jace defending him. Hours later it was dark outside as he stood behind a familiar loft’s door. Alec was drained, in a way he’d never been before, and his eyes stung from tears he refused to shed. His heart... It raced from nervousness, hope and what he’d attempted to fight against for so long.

He left Lydia to the altar and hated himself for causing her that humiliation. His parents were furious with him. He walked out of the Institute and had no idea if he’d be welcomed back home after his stunt. A talk with Magnus was his only hope of the day getting a happy ending. He was trying to follow his heart. Did Magnus still consider him worth love and happiness?

Alec took several deep breaths. Then, his hand unsteady in a way no archer could be happy with, he knocked. The last time they met Magnus offered his heart. Now Alec hoped for a chance to do the same. Only, the door remained closed. Cold began to creep into his body, along with a great deal of uncertainty. “Magnus?” Alec knocked again. “It’s... It’s me. I... I didn’t go through with the wedding and... Can we talk? Please?”

There was no reply. How could there be when there was no one inside? A few letters had been left to a kitchen table. One of them said ‘ _To Alexander_ ’. His knocks on the door echoed in the walls.

“Magnus?”


	2. … to Fight for It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Alec and Magnus suffer from great heartache. Both end up making bad decisions while their despair grows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what, guys? My heart softened to your pleas. And honestly, this story didn’t feel quite finished yet. So... Ta-da! Yay?
> 
> THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your comments, love and support! You have no idea how happy it makes me that so many of you enjoy reading this. (HUGS)
> 
> Awkay, then. Are you ready? Because it’s time to go. (gulps)

/ _New York... It was getting too heavy on Magnus’ battered heart. He had to get away, needed to get away. But there were things he needed to do first. He wrote a few letters. Then started to work on atoning for one miserable mistake._

_He shouldn’t have let Jocelyn talk him into taking away Clary’s memories. Now there was nothing he could do to bring them back. But he could give his Biscuit back her mother. Even if it came with the cost of having to work with someone he spent a very long time recovering from. It pained him that Simon also had to pay by not getting justice for being turned into a vampire._

_“Have you always pouted this much?” Camille smelled his fresh sorrow, of course. It delighted her. “Oh Magnus, you reek of heartache. You never learn, do you?” She clicked her tongue. “Hundreds of years old and still so naïve. Why did you expect that this pretty face would be different?” She pressed herself a bit too close. “Love is fleeting for us immortals.”_

_A while ago Magnus might’ve proclaimed that true love couldn’t die. He didn’t have the strength to believe in it anymore. “Yes, you always did do your best to teach me that lesson. I’ve finally learned.” Not caring about how pathetic or childish he sounded he finished his work with a sharp snap of fingers. “Now let’s go and get the book.”_

_Camille took his hand and gave him a sweet smile that was more of a mockery. Her fingers fiddled playfully with his. “Lead the way.” She soon huffed, not getting the reaction she would’ve wanted out of him. “I'd forgotten how boring you become when you’re heartbroken. Let’s get this done so I can find someone worth my time.”_

_Not long ago those words would’ve hurt. Now Magnus simply opened a portal, too emotionally detached to care about her antics. Camille’s fingers tightened around his like a raven’s claws._ /

/

Clary and Jace came running as soon as they received a fire message from Magnus, both still in the clothes they wore at the wedding. Along with the warlock, who was busily preparing a spell, and a still sleeping Jocelyn they found Luke and Simon. “Magnus, what’s...?” Jace shook his head. “Never mind. I have to call Alec that you’re here, he...”

“Don’t.” Magnus’ interruption was a sharp one. “This spell is complicated and the last thing I need is getting distracted.” The warlock inhaled a deep breath. “You both need and deserve to be here for this. But I’d appreciate your silence.”

Staring at her mom, Clary was close to tears. “You think... You can actually wake her up?”

Magnus’ demeanor softened. He nodded. “Yes, Biscuit. I’ll do my best to bring your mother back to you.”

And true to his word, soon Jocelyn opened her eyes for the first time in weeks. In the chaos of emotions that ensued only Simon noticed Magnus walking away. He frowned, every cell in his body reporting that something was wrong. “Magnus? Where are you going?”

Magnus’ smile didn’t seem right. “Don’t worry about old me.” The mage sobered. “I’m so sorry for what this all cost you. But I’m thrilled that the spell worked.” The man seemed to consider saying something but sighed instead. “Goodbye, Simon.”

Simon was confused even further and wanted to ask what was going on. But just then happy laughter, mixed with sobs, claimed his attention. “Simon? Is that you?” In the joyous confusion which followed Magnus slipped away.

/

When it became apparent that Magnus wasn’t home Alec tried to call the warlock. All six attempts went straight to voicemail. He kept waiting outside Magnus’ door for what seemed like ages. Every time there was even the slightest bit of noise he raised the head he hung in defeat, fool’s hope blossoming to die a brutal death.

At least someone came eventually. A dark-skinned woman appeared alarmed to see him and his runes for a moment until something like recognition dawned. “You must be the famous Alexander.” It was infuriatingly impossible to tell what she thought of him. “I’m Catarina Loss, Magnus’ friend.” Her brows furrowed. “What are you doing sitting there? Isn’t this your wedding day?” Only the slightest sharp hint in her voice revealed that she knew he broke her friend’s heart.

Alec swallowed thickly, sad, exhausted and self-conscious, as well as a little curious and flattered. Magnus had been talking about him to his friend? It probably shouldn’t have surprised him. “I’m... I didn’t get married.” He shifted his weight awkwardly, the day’s memories and emotional overload getting a bit too much. “I wanted to talk to Magnus but I don’t think he’s home.”

Catarina’s frown deepened and something like alarm appeared to her eyes. “Let’s see what’s going on”, she muttered. She shrugged at his questioning look when she moved to open the door. “He’s given me a permission to let myself in if there’s an emergency. This may qualify as one.”

Alec agree wholeheartedly. They were both tense upon entering. Familiar wards greeted them with something like a caress but they didn’t hear a sound. “Magnus?” Catarina called out. They both froze shortly after upon encountering the sight inside. “What has that idiot done...?” Catarina muttered under her breath.

The loft wasn’t exactly empty but it felt hollow. Because the man who filled it with warmth, life and comfort wasn’t there. He’d left behind his possessions and a bunch of letters. One of which was addressed to Alec. He took it slowly and hesitantly, unsure if he was ready to handle what had been written. In the end he steeled himself, the need to know what Magnus had to say becoming too strong.

‘ _Dear Alexander,_

_Perhaps this letter finds its way to you somehow. I still strongly believe that marrying Lydia was a mistake, that it’ll lead to nothing but loneliness and heartbreak. But for your sake I hope that I’m wrong because you deserve to be happy._

_I’m sorry that what I had to offer wasn’t enough but I understand. Being with me, with someone like me, would’ve been too much. You’re not the first to reach that conclusion and I’m sorry I pushed you too hard. Perhaps in some other world we could’ve had what my heart desires. I’ll find comfort from dreaming of that world._

_I know that it’s exhausting to have everyone telling you what you should do but believe me when I say this. A lifetime without love is an awful burden. Be well, and may your heart find the love it deserves one day, even if it can’t be with me._

_Magnus_ ’

Alec didn’t even notice how Catarina swore under her breath at her own letter. His heart was falling to pieces in his chest. “But I did choose you”, he murmured miserably, as if Magnus could somehow hear him. “I do want you.” If only he admitted as much to himself before it was too late. Getting desperate, he finally remembered his companion. “Catarina, please...! I have to find him. I need to talk to him.”

Catarina sighed heavily. “In his letter to me Magnus asked me to look after New York’s warlock community for him because he isn't able to protect us anymore. Which means that he isn’t planning on coming back, at least anytime soon.” The sorrow in her eyes mirrored his. “Magnus is one of the most powerful warlocks I’ve ever met, if not the most powerful.” She hesitated. “I can tell that you’re hurting, too. But this, losing Ragnor right after the Circle’s attack killed so many of us and imagining that he’s lost you, too... It’s too much on Magnus.” (Guilt squeezed at Alec’s heart mercilessly. Magnus lost his friend and... he didn't know how many people depending on their leader's protection in a horrible manner. And he hadn’t offered a single word of comfort because he was too afraid of his confusing feelings.) “If he doesn’t want to be found... Then there’s little we can do.”

_We have to try!_ Alec wanted to scream. But his phone ringing cut him short. Dread filled him when he discovered that it was Izzy. Something told him that the call wouldn’t be a pleasant one. “Hey. What’s...?”

“ _Where are you? If you’re with Magnus I’m sorry, but... You need to get back to the Institute, now._ ” Izzy sounded tense and very serious. “ _Hodge betrayed us. He attacked Lydia and stole the Cup._ ”

/

A couple of nights later Hodge had been apprehended but Valentine was still out there somewhere. Jace was on a patrol and felt like he’d aged a decade or two in a matter of days. His father was a homicidal maniac. They got Jocelyn back but she clearly didn’t want anything to do with him. His feelings for Clary, for his sister, weren’t going anywhere. If anything, they kept growing stronger. And then there was Alec’s pain over Magnus’ continued absence, which haunted him like it was his own due to their bond. His parabatai was suffering and there was very little he could do about it.

That night Jace was so distracted that he didn’t notice someone following him from afar. Until a chillingly familiar voice spoke. “I’ve been looking for you all night.” Valentine tilted his head. “Would you like to share some of your sorrows with your father?”

Jace’s eyes narrowed and he’d pulled out a blade before actively choosing to do so. “I don’t care if you’re my father. I’ll make sure that you pay for everything you’ve done.”

“But surely you care about Alec’s happiness?” Valentine took a taunting step closer. “You’ll come with me, so I can train you to be the best version of yourself you can be. Or the consequences will make it impossible for you to ever look at Alec in the eye again.”

Jace frowned. Alarm bells went off in his head, loudly. A voice in his head also snarled at him to just hurry up and end the criminal but his muscles were paralyzed. “What are you talking about?”

Slowly, visibly enjoying every second of it, Valentine revealed something that’d been shoved into a tiny plastic bag. A bloodied finger, decorated with dark nail polish. And a ring Jace, to his horror, recognized. “No. This is just another game. You couldn’t have caught Magnus.”

“Not too long ago my men almost managed to end his life, remember? He’s powerful but far from invincible.” Valentine’s eyes darkened. “Bane’s alive, for now. Come with me or I’ll keep chopping off these little pieces of him until he begs for death. Come with me and Alec may just get back what’s left of him.”

Jace knew that it was foolish to comply. That he had too little proof that Valentine actually had Magnus, and no reason to believe that the maniac would ever let the warlock go. But what if Valentine wasn’t bluffing? The thought of his parabatai losing Magnus, along with a chance to be happy and loved...

“In case you need further... encouragement...” Valentine kept a small, dramatic pause. “According to rumors Alec has come to care for Bane a lot. Cancelled his wedding and fought loudly with his parents because of it.” (Hodge must’ve ratted out that part before his arrest.) “I will send the next finger to Alec and let him come after me. Because we both know that he’d take the bait. It’d be his last hunt.” Valentine smiled icily. “I can see how badly you’d want to kill me right now. But believe me, this lesson of obedience is for your own good. Besides... If something happens to me my men have been instructed to make Alec and his warlock pay for it.” The man’s gaze flickered towards his blade before locking with his eyes. “Hodge got close to your family. You might be fast enough to defeat me. But do you imagine that you’d get all my men before they’d get to your parabatai?”

The threat on Alec’s life sealed it for Jace. Despite him knowing that he was a fool for walking right into Valentine’s game. If Alec, and perhaps even Magnus, would live it was worth the sacrifice.

Valentine chose the location for the twisted little deal well. Several security cameras caught him and Jace talking, then leaving together. None revealed the severed finger the criminal used to get the other’s attention. Hours later Jace was declared a traitor and a wanted man.

/

It was a nightmare that refused to end.

Alec was a traitor’s parabatai, the son of two former Circle members and after his failure of a wedding it didn’t take long before rumors of what led to his decision went wild. Suddenly everyone was staring at him and whispering behind his back. Some were even less subtle with their taunts. He’d spent most of his life in the shadow of other people, invisible and overlooked. He didn’t know how to handle all the sudden unwanted attention. Things were still... strained with his parents. His father couldn’t understand him and his mother was furious with him. Not having their support when he was at his most vulnerable _hurt_. He did right by himself, and Lydia as well, but would his parents ever forgive him for it?

But the worst part was, without any doubt, that both Magnus and Jace were missing. Alec’s heart and soul screamed from longing and agony, every second of every day. He couldn’t sleep because his over-working brain refused to grant him relief and he barely ate. Absolutely all of him was poured into desperate efforts to track down the two missing men. Every failed attempt chipped away a piece of his constantly fading hope. Especially with the parabatai bond having reduced to nothing but a barely there echo and Magnus’ letter weighing like lead in the secret pocket above his heart. (Magnus offered him something beautiful and he took too long to fight for it. The regret cut worse than any blade.)

Guilt... Sorrow... Worry... Heartache... They were tearing Alec to pieces on the inside. Three days after Jace’s disappearance he couldn’t take it anymore. None of his about a hundred attempts to locate Magnus brought him any closer to a reunion with the Downworlder who had no idea how much he meant to him. But perhaps there was a way to find Jace. Dangerous as it was.

Alec’s hand was eerily steady as it held the _adamas_ stone. He stared at its green surface with his jaw clenched so tightly that it hurt. He thought about Magnus urging him to follow his heart, and about his bond with Jace. One of them he was falling in love with despite having tried to stop it, the other was his brother and parabatai. Thinking of them gave him all the courage he needed.

It was Izzy who found him an hour later. Her scream of horror and pain carried far. “ALEC!”

/

/ _After Magnus left with the book Camille hurried to gather some necessities as quickly as she could. Valentine and his men arrived even faster than she’d known to dread. Not showing her startle was infuriatingly difficult. “If you came for the book, you’re late.”_

_Valentine’s jawline tightened and the man’s eyes flashed. “Well. In that case we’ll have to settle for just ridding the world of you.”_

_Camille had survived for as long as she had because she was good at bargaining. “What if I can offer something worth sparing my life for?” She tried not to pay attention to the Circle members still closing in on her. “I have eyes and ears everywhere. I know a way to coax Jace to your side willingly. Don’t worry about Magnus interfering and embarrassing you this time. He’s a useless wreck, now, and soon he won’t be anywhere near New York.”_

_Valentine raised a hand and his men stopped. “Talk. You have sixty seconds to save your life.”_

_She showed a ring she stole from Magnus without him noticing while fiddling with his fingers._

_As little as neither would’ve wanted to admit it Valentine and Camille had a lot in common. Arrogance was one of the traits they shared. Seeing love as a great weakness was another. Neither was willing to consider the possibility that true love might just destroy their plan._ /

/

Magnus was far away from New York and unaware of all the drama going on there. He also had all his fingers intact while he raised a cup of tea to his lips, to end up scowling at its bitter taste. “You have an awful taste when it comes to food and drinks”, he grumbled. No one answered him because only a ghost kept him company.

After waking up Jocelyn Magnus spent a day or so wandering aimlessly. (Somehow he ended up losing one of his rings along the way but that hardly mattered in comparison to everything else he'd lost recently.) Finally he found himself from the house that used to belong to Ragnor, standing by the grave he dug for his dearest friend after sending Jace and Clary away. He missed Ragnor terribly and would’ve needed the man's support. Magnus wondered with great regret if he might still have it if he and the two Shadowhunters didn’t end up accidentally letting a demon to this place.

He tried to help Clary and it cost his friend’s life. He tried to show Alec that the archer deserved to be happy and ended up getting rejected. Years ago his heart softened to Jocelyn’s desperate pleas and he ended up erasing a crying child’s memories, such he had no right to touch. Far more recently he attempted to hide his warlocks to a safe place. The Circle ended up finding and killing a disheartening amount of them. (He might’ve joined that list of lost lives if Alec didn’t interfere.) For centuries he’d lived to help those he could but never seemed to get it right anymore.

Now sitting in Ragnor’s favorite armchair, Magnus sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He felt colder than ever in his life, old and weary in a manner that had nothing to do with his age. About as alive as the dust particles floating around him. And his heart... It still beat but it was a hollow, tired thing. Too heavy in his chest. Perhaps it made sense. There’s only so many times something can be broken until it can’t be put together anymore, until it becomes useless junk.

How long had he been there, like this? Not sleeping or eating, hardly ever talking to the spirit he could feel there with him. Almost a ghost himself.

Magnus recognized what was happening to him but was too out of it to be alarmed. Nothing lasted forever. Why should he? Why cling to a life that’d already lasted far too long when it, and he, apparently had nothing good to offer anymore?

Magnus could nearly feel Ragnor’s worried, judgmental glare. He opened his eyes enough to roll them. “I can practically hear you calling me overdramatic. I accept no judgement from the dead.” His eyes softened and would’ve overflowed if he didn’t restrain himself. He let them flutter closed. “I tried to fight, like you told me to. But enough is enough. Let me find peace.”

Only silence answered and his heart took a sluggish beat.

He wasn’t granted his peace, though. “Magnus?” It took several moments before he realized that Catarina’s voice was real, not an echo inside his head. “I should’ve realized that he’d come here sooner...! Magnus?” (With effort he opened his eyes and wondered idly how bad he looked to bring that expression to her face.) “By the angel...!”

Magnus opened his mouth but didn’t have the time to utter a sound before Izzy also rushed in. The young Shadowhunter had panic and unshed tears in her eyes. “Magnus, please...! You... You have to come back. Alec... He’s dying.”

Magnus’ heart, fatigued and achy, jumped from sheer horror and life so fiercely that it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys...! (whimpers) One more chapter left. Will they get their happy ending and reunion? (Since the show didn't have enough time for it, I felt the need to briefly address the toll all the post-wedding-cancellation rumors and attention brought on Alec, and how much Circle's attack on the safe place he put together for his people in the earlier episodes hurt Magnus.)
> 
> Sooooo... What do you think? Was that ANY good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS make my heart happy.
> 
> Until next time! I REALLY hope that I’ll see you all there.
> 
> Take care!


	3. It’s Never Too Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus fights with all his might to keep Alec alive until Jace gets to them. Will they have the reunion they deserve?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got HUGE. I ALMOST split in half just before... well, a good part. But in the end I didn’t have the heart to do that. I REALLY hope that you don’t mind the length.
> 
> THANK YOU, a thousand times, for your comments, love and support! You can’t even imagine how much they mean to me.
> 
> Awkay, then. Are you ready? Let’s go! I REALLY hope that you’ll enjoy the ride.
> 
> TO AVOID CONFUSION: Stepping a tiny bit further from canon, I gave Maryse and Robert a bigger role in this chapter. I mean, this is their son fighting for his life...!

It was like a bizarre, awful dream. Magnus listened numbly as Izzy explained what Alec did in his desperation to find Jace. How the failed attempt was now killing him. Her eyes weren’t dry by the time she was finished. “Magnus, please...! I get why you couldn’t come to the wedding and why you felt the need to leave New York. There are things you need to know. And I have no right to ask you for favors after everything you’ve done for us but... Please, help us. Help Alec.”

A tiny, slightly vindictive part of Magnus he wasn’t proud of wondered why Lydia didn’t come to ask him to save her husband. He squashed that voice quickly. Because no matter how much he was hurting he couldn’t just let Alec... “Let’s get going, then.” A snap of fingers later a portal opened. He shrugged at the surprised, relieved and pleased looks on Izzy and Catarina’s faces. “I understood that time is the essence.”

Going to the Institute yet again certainly wasn’t one of Magnus’ favorite things to do. Based on all the nasty looks he got many Shadowhunters imagined that Alec’s current condition was somehow his fault. He ignored them with the help of hundreds of years’ experience.

Magnus braced himself for having to see Lydia at Alec’s bedside. Instead Maryse sat there and glared at him as he entered. Izzy cut whatever her mother planned to spew out short. “Magnus is the most powerful warlock we know. Until we find Jace he’s Alec’s best hope to keep hanging on.” Her eyes pleaded with the older woman. “Let him help. For Alec’s sake.”

Maryse’s jaw clenched but to Magnus’ surprise she didn’t snarl at him to leave. She gave the large and strong but at the moment limp hand in hers a squeeze, then left her place beside her son. Hushed but heated words were exchanged once she’d made her way to Izzy. Magnus paid no mind to the mother and daughter. Because he finally allowed himself to look at Alec’s face. And his heart, one that recently nearly calcified... It _ached_.

Alec was terrifyingly pale and a sheen of sweat shimmered on his face. The fever was so intense that the Shadowhunter’s hair was damp. There was a frown on Alec’s face while the young man trembled visibly and mumbled incomprehensibly. Was he in pain? Scared?

Magnus wanted to whimper but steeled himself. Alec needed him to be strong. He didn’t have much to give at the moment but what magic he had, the archer would have it all. Slowly, wondering which one of them he was worried about startling, he took Alec’s clammy hand tenderly between his own.

The flashback to when they saved Luke together was instant. This time it was his turn to give whatever Alec needed. This was the last time he’d get to touch Lydia’s husband and he anchored himself on the bittersweet feel of the other’s skin to draw strength from it.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Maryse demanded sharply.

Magnus did his best to stay as calm as possible. What use would he be to Alec if he wasted time and energy on picking up fights? If he got kicked out or worse? “Until Jace gets here only my magic can keep Alec from slipping away entirely”, he explained through his teeth. “I understand that you’re worried but please, let me concentrate.” He did his best to nonverbally communicate that he wanted to save this precious life as badly as she did. Now that it was agonizingly coming to life once more he couldn’t silence the call of his heart, even if Alec now belonged to someone else.

Maryse opened her mouth before closing it again and offered no further commentary.

Satisfied that he wouldn’t be distracted anymore Magnus closed his eyes to help himself focus. His hands tightened around Alec’s while he poured magic into the ailing Shadowhunter’s body. “For the sake of your siblings and parabatai, for your parents and wife...”, he whispered nearly inaudibly among spells. _For me_ , he couldn’t bring himself to utter. “... I need you to hold on, Alexander. Come back to me.” He paused when his voice threatened to crack. “Please, come back.”

/

The darkness pulling Alec in... It was so strong, so inviting. And he had so little strength left to keep fighting it.

He’d been stretching himself so thin lately. Yet nothing he did seemed to be enough, he couldn’t get anything right. Surely it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to rest for a little while? All he wanted was five minutes for which he didn’t have to fight.

Alec was too far gone and out of it to understand how he was slipping away from reality and life itself. But fortunately he wasn’t alone, even when he felt the loneliest. Suddenly there was a presence, wrapping around him like a warm blanket. Then a voice, too faint to be recognized but captivating.

“... _need you to hold on, Alexander. Come back to me. Please, come back._ ”

Alec didn’t know what it was about that voice making it impossible ignore it. But he listened. And his heart latched on to the hope radiating through the darkness.

/

In reality Alec’s hand twitched where it was held between both of Magnus’, and the hope it sparked convinced the warlock’s tired heart to continue fighting, too.

Through hours upon exhausting hours Magnus continued to pour his magic, held on for two people. His heart and soul were still weary but for now he had a purpose. He’d keep Alec in the world of the living until Jace would be there as the only one who could fix this damage properly. After that... Magnus didn’t want to imagine further than that. He couldn’t afford to let his concentration start slipping, anyway.

Alec’s life was almost literally in his hands, barely there, like a brightly shining distant star – Magnus refused to let it go out.

The room’s door opened loudly, startling Magnus. He anticipated it to be Lydia, at last coming to her husband’s side, and tensed up. To stiffen further upon discovering Izzy along with Robert, who had a dark look on his face. “The Clave wants Jace arrested. They’ll know the second he enters this Institute and they won’t wait until he’s helped Alec before apprehending him.” Nephilim law was hard and swift, devoid of emotional attachment. Rage lit up in Magnus at the thought of Alec’s life being just unfortunate collateral damage.

Magnus’ hands tightened still around Alec’s. He studied the former Circle member’s face, wary while old, unpleasant memories haunted him. “What do you suggest we do?”

“Can Alec handle being transferred?” Izzy inquired. A careful ear caught how her voice broke. The manner in which she avoided looking at her brother was even more subtle. “If we take him away from here... Maybe it’ll buy Jace enough time to save him.”

This might very well be Robert’s trap. If Magnus was to portal Alec to his loft the Clave might barge in while he was magically depleted, accuse him of kidnapping the archer and arrest him. (He knew many Shadowhunters who’d be very happy to see him locked up like the animal or monster they saw him as.) Robert’s history certainly didn’t give any reason to believe in his sincerity. But looking into the eyes of a desperate father, Magnus understood that at the moment they both had a common cause. Upon nodding he could actually hear Ragnor calling him a sentimental old fool and in strengthened his resolve. “I know a place.”

/

While Robert walked out, likely to have an unpleasant phone call with Maryse about what just happened, Izzy stayed in the guest room of Magnus’ apartment. Unable to bear seeing Alec’s current condition she watched as Magnus continued his seemingly tireless efforts to save her brother, so incredibly strong and vulnerable at the same time. What she saw in the warlock’s eyes... It wasn’t quite love yet, couldn’t possibly be, but it had the potential to grow into that. “Thank you, for doing this for him.”

Magnus nodded and lifted his gaze from Alec momentarily. “Of course. Alexander... I think we can both agree that he’s special. Someone worth saving.” The man faced away, not looking at her or Alec. “Have you notified Lydia? I’m surprised that she isn’t by her husband’s side yet.” The accusation and hurt were thinly veiled at best.

It wasn’t until then Izzy realized what the warlock imagined. Her heart broke and soared simultaneously. He cared about Alec so much that he came to help, despite imagining that... “Magnus, Alec didn’t go through with the wedding. He interrupted the whole thing and disappeared on us for hours as soon as he could get away from our parents.” Her thoughts buzzed and whirred, to make a connection. “He must’ve gone to see you but you’d already left.”

Magnus appeared baffled. It was quite incredible to have someone centuries old rendered speechless from shock and surprise. “He... isn’t married?” Magnus seemed to barely dare to believe it.

“He isn’t.” Izzy wanted to simultaneously hug the man who might one day be her brother in law, and smack him upside the head for running away before learning the full truth. “He chose his happiness. And you.”

Magnus was still speechless. Izzy didn’t get the chance to see his actual first reaction because just then her phone started ringing. She picked up the second she saw who the caller was. “Jace...!”

/

While Izzy hurried out of the room Magnus stared at Alec’s unconscious face. His heart... It was doing the kind of things he’d imagined it wasn’t capable of anymore. It filled with sudden warmth, rejoiced and dared to hope. Came back to life. He had no idea of the tear making its way down his cheek. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you, Alexander?” he choked out.

/

Alec had a lot of dreams about Jace. Memories, such that hadn’t crossed his mind in a very long time, kept him company in the darkness. But they weren’t his only company. There was this constant pull, stubborn but gentle, keeping him from sliding further into the pitch-black hole pulling him.

And then there were dreams. Or visions, or whatever they were. Of breathtakingly beautiful, golden eyes watching him with such adoration he couldn’t believe he deserved. Of a kiss that made him feel like he’d come home. Of hands that caressed his body like he was the most precious thing in the world. He’d had dreams of all those things before, more times than he would’ve cared to admit. But now, for the first time... It all didn’t feel out of his reach.

That voice he was sure he’d heard before... It was whispering again. “ _There’s nothing to be ashamed of._ ”

Alec reached out towards the hold tugging him out of the dark with all his might. Because he’d never had quite so much to fight for. In the real word the sound of a door opening and Jace’s steps rushing closer drowned out the barely even a whisper that left his lips. “Magnus...”

/

Seeing Alec awake, still visibly drained and more than a little unwell but conscious and improving... It made Magnus’ very soul sing from joy and relief. Izzy and Jace both embraced the brother they nearly lost. (Alec and Jace held each other for a long time, their despair and relief palpable in the room’s air as their harshly tried bond fixed itself.) And Magnus... didn’t know where his place was in the grand reunion. He took a soundless step backwards, his first instinct being to slip away again now that he was no longer needed.

But then Alec’s eyes met his, bringing all his intentions to escape to a halt. The Shadowhunter was visibly overcome with hope and joy. “... really here ... wasn’t just a dream.”

Magnus felt his own eyes soften. “No. It wasn’t just a dream.” There was so much he wanted to say that he didn’t know where to begin. Nor did he have the energy for a lot of talking.

He did step out of the room to answer a knock but kept careful watch while a small group of Shadowhunters he’d never seen before went to apprehended Jace. Maryse led them in, barely sparing him a glance. It was all done quietly and far more discreetly than he’d anticipated. Which didn’t make it any less painful or unfair. Magnus could practically feel Alec’s hurt when the parabatai he only just got back was pulled away from him once more. He stumbled a step froward to comfort the archer but changed his mind. Alec had his parents and Izzy beside him, what did he need Magnus for? Besides, he was far too drained to be a pillar of support for anyone.

Also, if he was honest with himself, he needed a tiny bit of distance. A small breather. Staying magically connected to Alec the way he just was for hours... It was intimate, and exhausting. And finding out that the younger man wasn’t married made him hope for things, jump into conclusions. He’d done enough jumping into conclusions and getting his hopes up since meeting Alec. While his heart had been yanked open and it was beating with life again he’d have to at least try to guard it a little and figure things out before diving blindly into the unknown.

He needed a real, adult style, actual conversation with Alec. Without him pushing and the younger man getting defensive. Right after Alec almost dying and watching his parabatai getting arrested and with Magnus himself so drained that he could barely keep his eyes open was hardly the right time for that. And then there was the fact that Alec’s parents were present, watching over their oldest like hawks. Had the younger man even come out to Maryse and Robert yet?

When Magnus poured himself a drink it was that of silent, cautiously optimistic celebration. Alec was still alive, they both were. A potential relationship would be far from easy but they had a chance to _try_.

Slumping to his couch with considerably less grace than we would’ve liked, Magnus saw the ghost of Ragnor from the corner of his eye. He rolled his eyes at the knowing smile on the wraith’s face. “Alright, you were right. There’s no need to look so smug about it.”

It was Ragnor’s turn to roll his eyes. “I wouldn’t tell anyone else off for looking smug if I were you. And admit it, you’ll miss my advice.”

Magnus’ heart thudded painfully. “I already miss all of you.” He raised his glass in a sad toast. “Goodbye, my friend. And thank you, for everything.”

With a serene look on his face Ragnor faded away

Magnus finished his drink atypically slowly. He’d just gotten rid of the empty glass when Alec’s parents started to take their leave. While walking out Maryse gave him a stiff nod and nothing more, but there was something considerably softer than before in her eyes. (Perhaps he’d be able to endear himself to her yet.) Robert hesitated, awkward in front of a Downworlder to whom he owed gratitude. “Thank you, for saving my son. We... should probably discuss the payment you expect for your services?”

Magnus shook his head. “What I did today was for Alec, not for a payment.” In a blink of an eye, or in a moment of insanity, he changed his mind. “Or actually, there is something you can do to repay me." He lifted his chin. "Today you were given a second chance with Alec. Honor it by starting to treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Accept him as he is, not as the vision you have of him.” He knew that in the hallway Maryse was listening in and aimed his words at her as well.

Robert bristled visibly and opened his mouth. But surprisingly didn’t lash out, didn’t even slam the door upon leaving. Magnus hoped that his words were taken to heart by both parents.

For now, though, he didn’t have enough energy to worry about anything. Every single cell in his body screamed for rest and he figured that perhaps Alec and Izzy wouldn’t mind terribly if he rested his eyes for a moment. Just for a little while.

Relaxed for the first time in days – years, decades, a century – Magnus lay down. Shockingly alright with the fact that there were still two Shadowhunters in his apartment. He drifted to sleep the second his eyes closed.

For some odd reason he dreamed of autumn leaves decorating a ceiling and golden confetti floating softly towards the floor.

/

Alec was incredibly tired but also too wired up to fall asleep. Too many emotions and thoughts fought over control in his head. Jace came back but had already been taken away from him again, this time as a prisoner. Alec was sad, anxious and worried about his brother. He also felt guilty for being excited while his parabatai was in such a predicament. Magnus was back, too. Cared about him enough to save his life. Alec couldn’t help being hopeful.

“Jace will be alright, you know,” Izzy consoled him. “They’ll interrogate him with the Sword. And as soon as they know the truth he’ll be released.”

“I know.” Alec wasn’t sure if it’d be that simple but he needed to believe so, for the sake of his sanity. At least Jace wasn’t in Valentine’s vile, violent company anymore. At least he knew where his parabatai was. It’d have to be enough for now.

For the about a hundredth time Alec’s gaze strayed towards the room’s door. Which was why he missed the amusement that flickered on Izzy’s face. “Go talk to him”, she urged.

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” Alec wouldn’t blame Magnus. The things he said before the wedding, the way he pushed the warlock away...

Izzy snorted. “Alec, he didn’t leave you for even a second after reaching your side. As soon as he heard what was going on he rushed to you and wouldn’t stop trying to save you. Does that sound like someone who doesn’t want anything to do with you?” She gave him an encouraging smile. “You got a second chance with him. Now grab it and go to him.”

Alec remembered how good it felt to listen to his heart at his so-called wedding. Sure, it led to a fight with his parents and he went to Magnus’ apartment to learn that he was too late. But it still felt good, made him breathless in a pleasant way instead of him suffocating under all the pressure piled on him. He’d been stretched thin and squashed breathless by pressure all his life. Now, after almost dying, it was past time he breathed. And _lived_.

His legs were a bit wobbly but supported his weight just fine. Alec braced himself, then made his way to the living room. To find that the talk he wanted would have to wait because Magnus was asleep. Unable to stop himself despite feeling like a creep, Alec watched the slumbering man.

Magnus was just as beautiful in a manner that made it impossible to look away as when they first met. The warlock also seemed as tired as he felt, the strain of recent events and losses clearly visibly on his features. Alec frowned upon seeing a single strand of white hair on Magnus’ head. It didn’t seem like a fashion statement, so what caused it?

Magnus hadn’t kicked him out. Apparently the man fought tooth and nail to keep him alive. What did that mean? What were they? What could they become?

Well, he wouldn’t get any answers yet. Moving as silently as he could, Alec grabbed a quilt he spied waiting nearby and covered Magnus tenderly with it. If his hands lingered on the man’s body slightly longer than was necessary no one would have to know. “Thank you”, he whispered. _Thank you, for saving my life. In so many ways._

(Alec didn't notice Izzy leaving after observing for a moment with a proud, fond smile.)

Alec had an irrational urge to crawl to the couch next to Magnus but he squashed it quickly. He didn’t want to impose and he wasn’t... quite there yet. But he also wanted to be as close to the man he just got back as he could. Too tired to think of a more comfortable location, he stretched his tall, drained body on the floor and pressed his hand against the couch in a poor substitute to holding Magnus’ hand. He drifted to sleep the second he closed his eyes.

He dreamed of sleeping in golden sheets instead, with a warm body held securely close to him.

/

Magnus wasn’t sure when he fell asleep. He woke up from his couch and was surprised to find that he’d been covered with a quilt. He didn’t remember getting one. Waking up slowly, he discovered that the loft was quiet. He imagined with a tiny bit of hurt that Alec and Izzy had left, too. Until he sat up and blinked twice in surprise.

What was Alec doing on the floor?

Seeing the fierce fighter like that, trusting him enough to let down his guard and be at his most vulnerable in his presence... It tugged at something in Magnus. Unable to fight the urge, he caressed Alec’s cheek. His heart swell when the young man leaned instinctively to the touch with a contented sigh.

Then Alec’s eyes fluttered open and they both froze, wondering how to proceed. “You came back”, Alec mumbled at last while pushing himself to a sitting position. Still half asleep but waking up quickly.

“So did you”, Magnus returned, savoring the sight of the archer not at death’s door anymore.

Alec searched his eyes as though not quite daring to trust that he was truly there. “I found your letter”, the Shadowhunter blurted out. “The things you said... Magnus, you’re not too much. You’re magical and... what your heart desires... I want it, too.” Alec looked at his hand, visibly debating with himself. Then grabbed it and squeezed achingly uncertainly, clearly unsure if he had the right. Magnus was quick to close his fingers around the man’s he almost lost. They stayed like that for the longest time, enjoying the simple physical contact that spoke more than any amount of words could.

In the end they did need to speak, of course. Alec went first, eyes trained on their joined hands. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, when you were already in pain and mourning. I didn’t understand... I didn’t realize...”

Magnus shook his head. “You hurt yourself just as badly. There’s no need to dwell on that.” He sighed heavily, still infuriatingly tired. “I haven’t always been as old as I am now, Alexander. I understand getting scared of your feelings.” His eyebrow bounced up when he caught the other staring at him with emotions that were visibly bubbling towards surface. “What is it?”

Alec shook his head with a hint of a blush on his cheeks. “It’s stupid. I just... I thought I’d never get to hear you call me Alexander again.”

Magnus’ eyes softened. “I intend to call you that great many times, for a long time to come. Is that alright?”

Alec blinked once, then nodded eagerly. “Yeah, it’s alright.” The archer then frowned. “Magnus, what... exactly is this? I mean, what we have. What are we? What if we’re too different to make... _anything_ work?”

Magnus fought a smile at the explosion of questions. This was supposed to be a serious conversation, and he wanted Alec to know that he also took this seriously. That this wasn’t just a game to him. “We may turn out to be too different. But I’d like us to get to know each other better before deeming anything impossible.” He went on when the other’s nervously twitching fingers calmed in his hold. “And we don’t need to put a label on us before we’ve even properly started... anything.” He winked. “You haven’t even taken me out on our first date yet.”

Alec’s eyes filled with something like adoration. The man nodded decisively. “Would you... like to get a drink sometime?”

Magnus grinned. “Well, you know by now that I like drinks.” He pursed his lips playfully. “And I may like you, too.”

Alec rolled his eyes but couldn’t fight back a goofy smile, or the deepening blush. The Shadowhunter once again fixed his gaze on their hands and played with his fingers. “I... may like you, too. Just... you know, saying that to make sure you... know.”

“Hearing that you cancelled your wedding did give me a clue that such might be the case.” Magnus tilted his head. “Your parents seem to be overcoming the shock.”

Alec sighed. “I don’t know which one was the bigger disappointment for them. That I didn’t get married to save our family’s honor, or me... losing it and crying out that I can’t marry a woman because I’m gay.”

That... came as a shock. Magnus might’ve joked or congratulated Alec on his bravery but the young man clearly wasn’t ready for either. “They’ll come around”, he reassured instead. “Don’t underestimate parents’ love.”

Alec commented nothing and appeared eager to switch to a different topic. While one hand remained in his the other caressed his hair, fingers brushing the white strand. “Are you trying something new?”

Magnus tensed up. He really didn’t want to go through _this_ now, when they were slowly trying to get comfortable around each other. But he also didn’t want to lie and he was too weary to deflect.

“Magnus?”

This time Magnus was the one unnaturally focused on their joined hands. “We warlocks typically live for a long time.” _When we’re not butchered by the Circle._ “But not eternally. Because our hearts and souls... They grow weary and hollow over the centuries. It gets exhausting to lose everyone and everything we love, time after time. There’s only so many times one can fix their broken heart and...“ He shrugged. “Eventually we... calcify. We stop getting surprised by anything, feeling, living.” It was a horribly painful death, one he came all too close to facing before Izzy and Catarina appeared. “That... was about to happen to me. Losing all those warlocks, Ragnor and you... It was too much.” Admitting how close to letting go and fading away he came wasn’t easy, filled him with shame. “Hence the new hairstyle I’m afraid is permanent”, he attempted to lighten the mood and failed.

Alec’s hand became unnaturally still and cold from shock in his. The sharp intake of breath was that of anguish. “Magnus, I... I’m so...”

“You really need to get rid of that habit of apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.” Braving himself, Magnus met the other’s eyes. “Alexander, I was already fast on my way to calcifying before I first met you. Do you remember how I told you that you've unlocked something in me? You’ve brought me back to life twice, now. Don’t apologize for that.”

Alec stared at him, eyes moist and pupils blown wide. His insecurities starting to get the better of him, Magnus wondered what the man was thinking about, how his admission would be received. Until all of a sudden his body was moving. A breath – or rather a breathless heartbeat – later he was in Alec’s lap, with two strong hands holding him safe and steady. And Alec was kissing him with such intensity that he forgot even his own name. Magnus responded with all he had, his hands cradling Alec’s head and fingers losing themselves to the other’s hair.

Neither of them quite knew what would come next and what’d become of _them_. But that kiss was definitely the start of something. And for the first time in far too long Magnus couldn’t wait to see what the future might bring.

He had a feeling that with Alec around, he’d never stop being surprised on occasion.

/

Losing himself to Magnus’ taste and to the soft lips on his, Alec was suddenly reminded of his dream. Just like in it the kiss was like coming home. That thought made him tighten his hold on Magnus.

(Already then he vowed to himself that he’d never let go again.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaw! And so it truly starts for our babies. (BEAMS) 
> 
> How was that? Was the length too much? PLEASE, let me hear from you! Comments ALWAYS mean the world to me.
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for reading this far! And for surviving this beast of a final chapter. (chuckles) Maybe I’ll see you again with some other story?
> 
> Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Our poor babies! Their timing seriously sucks. (pouts) Magnus, WAIT! Alec, FIND HIM!
> 
> Soooo... Thoughts? Comments? Was that any good? PLEASE, do let me hear from you!
> 
> In any case, thank you so much for reading! Whoever knows. Maybe I’ll see you again.
> 
> Take care!


End file.
